I am sitting at the hotel rooftop pool in Buenos Aires on our last day of our honeymoon. The weather is gorgeous…not a cloud in the sky. Matt is getting a massage before his final steak and wine. Our flight leaves at 10 PM and we will be home tomorrow. This trip has been a whirlwind, so I want to record recaps of the trip so we wont forget!
Day 0: Wade picked me up from work after Matt took care of everything at home, the luggage, Bella, etc. After kisses goodbye, matt and I got a glass of wine to toast the start of our adventure, and I passed out on the plane. We arrived in Houston and somehow Matt had a craving for a Coke Float. After his Coke Float and my fat free frozen yogurt, we passed a restaurant that Beyonce said she liked (we read the article in the Continental magazine on the plane). After the coke float, Matt decided we should run into the restaurant (30 minutes before our flight takes off) and he ordered a Dirty Martini and an oyster platter. I had a glass of water. We were the last people to board, which ended up being great. Matt took 3 seats next to each other, and I took 2. Matt passed out and I couldn’t sleep. After a few hours, matt told me to sit with him for a while, and I passed out on his lap while a very large argentine woman took my seat and passed out! She slept on my headphones, book, etc. There was no waking her up, so matt stretched out on the 3 seats and I laid on top of him…we were like sticks of gum in a package. It was actually not that bad, but I am sure we looked quite odd. The fat lady accidently woke me up on her way to the bathroom and woke me up, so I ran to get my seat back. Hee hee I won!
Day 1
Woke up in Buenos Aires. 
We took a long time getting our luggage since Diana asked us to bring a bag for her to the city, where her sister will pick it up. We could not find the bag anywhere, and finally a gentleman who works at the airport found the blue bag (we remembered it as black…oops!). Our guide Marianna picked us up and we started off with fresh fresh orange juice. We went to our hotel and relaxed for a little, had a glass of champagne courtesy of our travel agent, took a quick dip in the rooftop pool (enjoying the 88 degree weather when in Charleston it was around 50) then grabbed a cab to Palermo (where matt used to live). We went to the Home Hotel and Spa (where U2 stayed a few weeks before) and waited for our massages. It was fun watching Matt get comfy in his very gay mini-robe (WAYYY above the knee).
We took a long time getting our luggage since Diana asked us to bring a bag for her to the city, where her sister will pick it up. We could not find the bag anywhere, and finally a gentleman who works at the airport found the blue bag (we remembered it as black…oops!). Our guide Marianna picked us up and we started off with fresh fresh orange juice. We went to our hotel and relaxed for a little, had a glass of champagne courtesy of our travel agent, took a quick dip in the rooftop pool (enjoying the 88 degree weather when in Charleston it was around 50) then grabbed a cab to Palermo (where matt used to live). We went to the Home Hotel and Spa (where U2 stayed a few weeks before) and waited for our massages. It was fun watching Matt get comfy in his very gay mini-robe (WAYYY above the knee). 
The massage was wonderful, but I think I got molested a little. I was trying to not be a stuffy American, so I went with it, but I am not quitte sure if a 20 minute breast massage and pulling hair is standard in Argentina. Matt tried to tell me he got molested too with a ball graze, but I think he was just jealous. We hung out in the sauna for a bit, then walked around, window shopped, and tried to order lunch in Spanish. 5 dishes and over $150 later, we were stuffed (we then realized our Spanish is not very good). We accidently ordered steak, chicken, salad, carne asado, sausage, and 2 baked potatoes. We could have fed 6 more people….oh well…
After our enormous meal, Matt took me for a walk around Avenida Florida and showed me a gorgeous mall. We shared an ice cream and spilled a bottle of water all over the table and floor. We did not make friends that night.
Day 2
Marianna picked us up and we took a city tour. We saw all the important buildings, learned about the government, saw soccer stadiums, architecture, and ended seeing Eva Peron’s final resting site.
It was incredible how much I felt like I was in Italy. There was so much to do, and each part of the city is so different.
Matt and I went to an outdoor café where a man with a clown nose and accordion was playing. We had amazing coffee and a steak sandwich. We sat outside for a long time just sipping coffee and people watching.
We then went back to the hotel and Matt hunted down a yoga instructor for me. She came to the hotel and molested me a little and I let it happen!! I am so weak… She took me to a private room that was quiet, and matt thought I was kidnapped. He finlly found me and was PISSED. He was 2 minutes from calling the US embassy. I was glad that he cared so much about me being missing! We then got dressed and went to the Alvear Palace for a drink (very nice hotel).
After, we went to Palermo to meet up with a couple Matt met while living in BA. We went to a Norwegian restaurant where they served an exotic bread for Argentines called “bagels”. They were so much fun to be with and the food was awesome.
After, we went to Palermo to meet up with a couple Matt met while living in BA. We went to a Norwegian restaurant where they served an exotic bread for Argentines called “bagels”. They were so much fun to be with and the food was awesome.
Matt then wanted ice cream so we went to a Heladeria, where I had watermelon ice cream (sounds gross but was awesome). Matt had a gigantic milkshake. We said goodbye and went back to the hotel, where Matt snored all night long.
Day 3
Woke up at 5 AM to catch a flight to Bariloche. 5 AM was early for us, but it was VERY early for Argentina’s standards. Our driver was half asleep and a little crazy. We were surprised we made it to the airport alive, especially since at one point he just stopped in the middle of the highway to look for change. Finally, we arrived at a very cute hotel overlooking the lake and got picked up by a private tour guide. He took us to a chairlift that takes you to one of the most famous views of the world. All we saw was clouds and rain, so we just hung out with him and had coffee. 
He then took us to an amazing forest with llao llao fungus (translation is yum yum) and very cool trees. The guide recently got married, and said he wants to have a trash-the-dress session in this forest. Matt and I posed for him using the practice we had on our wedding day:
We went to the bar for a glass of vino and ended up just staying there for a while. We loved the Brazilian bartender. We shared dried meats and cheese (can you believe I ate dried deer, lamb, rabbit, trout?!??!) then went to town and saw all of the chocolate shops. It is amazing how much chocolate they have in Bariloche! People say it looks like Swizerland, but I have never been there so I don’t know. I was a little frustrated with the weather (cold and rain) but tried to make the best of it. Matt and I explored the downtown area then went back to the hotel.
Day 4
Woke up and drove 2 hours to the Manso river. It was freezing and rain, but we were NOT going to forgo this trip! We dressed in very snug wetsuits (I wish I took a picture of Matt) and went rafting down the Manso river to Chile. Our rafting guide was crazy and very very entertaining. The guides kept calling Matt “Bruce Willis”, and honestly some people actually thought he was Bruce Willis!! There was a buzz going on that there was a celebrity on this trip. Honestly, nobody thought the real Bruce Willis wouln't have a private guide?? Anyways, Matt said the views are usually amazing, but unfortunately it was so overcast that day that we did not see much. The paddling was amazing, and even though the weather wasn't great I thought the paddle was gorgeous. They said it was class III and IV, but I really dont know what that means.
We went to a cabin where steak, sausage, salad, and empanadas were waiting for us. We enjoyed a lot of wine (for warmth) and made friends. We then drove back and Matt and I instantly passed out on the bus. Back at the hotel, I took a long swim in their lappool filled with mineral water. We had to reserve the hot tub which of course we HAD to do! When it was our turn, then woman had us wait so she can disinfect the tub, which she said she does every time. We walked into a room overlooking the lake with just a hot tub and a lot of fake ducks. It was odd, but I tried to roll with it. There were a lot of ducks in there! Anyways, I sat for about 5 minutes then started thinking about why she has to disinfect the tub every time a couple goes in there, and it really took away from the relaxation. We went downtown for some fondue (stain number one on my jacket = swiss cheese fondue). We then walked around then went back to the hotel to warm up. Matt looked at the weather report and it was going to rain every day we were in Ushuaia and we panicked and told the travel agent we wanted to go to Uruguay. Not a chance….he said you cant predict Patagonian weather (so goes the folklore of Patagonian weather) and we later saw he was right. At the time though we were not thrilled with our honeymoon choice. I guess I was more upset than Matt, since 5 minutes later he was in snores-ville. I tried to pretend that the sound of his snores were ocean waves to possibly get me to sleep. Thinking of waves made me think of Uruguay and Margaritas, so I did not sleep much that night.
Day 5
The Lord took pity on us and gave us an amazing sunny cool (but not too cool) day. A German cowboy picked us up and drove us to his estancia about 20 minutes out of town. It is crazy how only 20 minutes away it looked like Arizona. At the estancia there were wild pigs which matt thought was going to be our lunch (gross). It was crazy to see how simply the people live on the estancia. We got on our horses (mine was names November, Matt’s was named Pura Vida). We rode up a mountain that was a little scary at times. My horse kept stopping for a snack and I think the goucho was getting frustrated that I was letting her eat. 
After the ride, we had MORE steak and MORE wine. We sat around and just chatted for a while, taking in the view. After the estancia, we got dropped off downtown and I picked out a warm hat. It was the best $10 we spent and really kept me comfortable for the rest of the trip. Who knew a hat can make such a difference!! We went back to the hotel and took a swim. The Argentine people are incredibly nice-I was swimming and a 10 year old boy offered to lend me his goggles---so nice. We were still full from lunch (especially one of us who ate sausage, chicken, steak, and asado at lunch) so we found a Law and Order marathon (El Ley y El Orden) on TV. We just chilled out and thankfully no snores that evening.
Day 6Hopped on a plane to El Calafate. The weather report was WAY off….gorgeous weather! We checked into our hotel and walked around. We found a café with a Hinekin sign and every chair had a Hinekin logo on it. Matt ordered a Hinekin and they said they do no serve that beer there…hmmm. We got drinks and just sat outside people watching and feeding random dogs. We walked around the adorable town and I almost bought a piece of art until Matt described it as “holocaust-ey”. That comment pretty much killed it for me. We found lounge chairs at the hotel and read outside for a little while until it was dinner time. We went to a pretty upscale dinner called La Tableta. We ordered Patagonian Lamb and it came on a portable grill (Parilla). They basically took a lamb and cut it into body part pieces and cooked it. They served a spine, which matt ate with his hands. He was moving the soft bone around and some liquid came out of it, but that did not stop him! We did not represent America very well that night. We polished off a bottle of wine and devauered probably what is equivalent to a small lamb (stain on my jacket number 2 = lamb juice).
We were walking (stumbling) back to the hotel and came across a tea house. We walked in and all of the customers were giggling, and we soon learned why. The owner had the same Bob Marley song on repeat all evening. Honestly after the 4th time hearing the same song we were dying. Matt told the owner how much he loves Bob Marley, and the owner had no clue what he was talking about. Matt ordered tea and accidently ordered cake (he says it was an accident). Finally we made it back to the hotel and between the wine and lamb, I got more practice trying to fall asleep to the sound of snores.
Day 7
After coffee, we got picked up and took a 30 minute ride to the Glacier park. Again, it was insane how 30 minutes away the weather is totally different. On the glacier it was freezing and windy. They put special shoes on us and guided us on a trek on a huge glacier. The shoes allowed you to stand at an angle and not fall. We were able to see holes in the glacier and walked through natural tunnels. It was a little scary for me at time.
Me: I know I am walking down the glacier really slowly, but I don’t want to fall
Matt: you are doing great, honey. You aren’t holding up the group!
I look back and sure enough, I am 100% holding up the group. Oh well...It was a very cool experience, but was cold and windy. At the time (not gonna lie) thoughts of margaritas on a beach did cross my mind. At the end of the trek there were tables set up with Whisky. The guides filled up pitchers of water that was flowing from the glacier. It was so clear and delicious that I could not stop drinking it. If we needed more ice, they just chipped the ice off of the glacier! We then watched parts of the glacier naturally crash off! 
Parts of the glacier appeared to be bluer than anything I have ever seen, and honestly it was really breathtaking at parts and also pretty romantic (who knew?!?). We made it back to the hotel and matt and I went to the hostel across the street to inquire about a room for him. It looked a little like a prison and he was scared he was going to get raped there so the compromise was very light dinner. We had small portions of pasta and water (no wine) and there were no snores whatsoever!
Day 8
Woke up sad because we had to leave El Calafate. We received a call that our flight to Ushuaia was 2 hours late, so we asked if we could stay at the hotel 2 hours longer. This concept was too difficult for everyone to understand, so we checked into the airport, left our bags, and took a taxi back downtown. We sat al fresco, had a cocktail (wine stain = jacket stain number 3), and enjoyed the weather for 2 more hours. We went back to the airport happy as can be, and everyone else had ants in their pants after sitting inside for so long. We passed out on the plane and arrived in Ushuaia (the city that was supposed to have rain and freezing weather every day). Like everyone said, you cant predict the weather in the Patagonia….sunny and not a cloud in the sky. It is the most southern city in the world, so it was a bit chilly, but pleasant. Matt and I now can say we went to the end of the earth together for our honeymoon. Now that I had my new hat, I didn’t get as cold anymore! It also stays light out until midnight and sunrise is 4 AM. Our hotel was not so great, but I hear that is typical for that area. It honestly looked like a nursing home meets a motel 6 meets The Shining. All of the other hotels were sold out because of a strike in Chile (a lot of tourists were stuck) so I sucked it up and put a smile on my face. Downtown we found a place that served king crab (their specialty). I was very glad because I hoped king crab did not lead to snores.
Woke up sad because we had to leave El Calafate. We received a call that our flight to Ushuaia was 2 hours late, so we asked if we could stay at the hotel 2 hours longer. This concept was too difficult for everyone to understand, so we checked into the airport, left our bags, and took a taxi back downtown. We sat al fresco, had a cocktail (wine stain = jacket stain number 3), and enjoyed the weather for 2 more hours. We went back to the airport happy as can be, and everyone else had ants in their pants after sitting inside for so long. We passed out on the plane and arrived in Ushuaia (the city that was supposed to have rain and freezing weather every day). Like everyone said, you cant predict the weather in the Patagonia….sunny and not a cloud in the sky. It is the most southern city in the world, so it was a bit chilly, but pleasant. Matt and I now can say we went to the end of the earth together for our honeymoon. Now that I had my new hat, I didn’t get as cold anymore! It also stays light out until midnight and sunrise is 4 AM. Our hotel was not so great, but I hear that is typical for that area. It honestly looked like a nursing home meets a motel 6 meets The Shining. All of the other hotels were sold out because of a strike in Chile (a lot of tourists were stuck) so I sucked it up and put a smile on my face. Downtown we found a place that served king crab (their specialty). I was very glad because I hoped king crab did not lead to snores. 
We were pretty cheesy and walked along the water holding hands and eating Patagonian chocolates. On our way back to the hotel, we had the taxi drop us off at the supermarket. That was an adventure all in itself. 9 PM and it was like happy hour. There were babies, old people, and it was packed! Everyone was chatting with everyone and it was killing this one man that he couldn’t communicate with us! After a little La Ley Y El Orden we went to sleep.
Day 9
Woke up to scary nursing home breakfast (hot dogs, fake eggs, and marachino cherry fruit salad) and then hopped into a Land Rover. We ate breakfast quickly because of one staff member who Matt named the Breakfast Tyrant. As the name implies, he did not give us a warm fuzzy feeling when we were around him… 
We drove up a mountain to a cabin where the leaders cooked (what else?) steak for lunch and wine that is only served in the province we were in. Some people were talking about how amazing Mendoza is since they ate lunch and had wine every day. I said we are doing that now, and overindulged with the wine a little. I was the life of the lunch!!
We skipped rocks (matt is good at that) and then I passed out while off-roading in the back of the car. Matt was very impressed how I could sleep while being tossed around a car! We then got washed up and went to a very cozy restaurant overlooking the Beagle Channel. We then took a little walk, went back to the hotel, and sat outside looking at the water (outside = away from the scary man from breakfast). It was incredible how quiet it is in that city.
Day 10
Got picked up to go to the national park. We passed the most Southern golf course and found ourselves at a lake. We canoed to the Beagle Channel, had a lovely lunch with wine ( I paced myself) and then we hiked a good 3 hours.
We saw wild horses, tons of birds, and foxes. It was so gorgeous and the weather was amazing.
We were exhausted but I really didn’t want to go back to the hotel (barf) so we sat at a café and had a drink for a while. We then took a cab to a restaurant that was closed for a private party so we went back to the hotel (after a stop at the churro store. ps- dulce de leche filled churros drizzled with white and dark chocolate is worth a trip to Ushuaia). After having barf food for dinner, the skies opened and it began to monsoon outside. The weather there was so crazy. The rain drowned out our neighbor’s snoring sound I heard through the thin walls of the hotel so we slept amazing that night.
Day 11
After a very quick breakfast where we basically paid the breakfast tyrant to be nice to us, we flew back to BA after Matt kicked my butt in a game of checkers. On the way to the airport, Matt let me know about the fly he found in his mouth after finishing his cup of coffee at the shack we called a hotel. One thing that impressed us was our tea cups we left on the bar the day we arrived were finally removed the day we were leaving (3 days later). We went to the airport and took a 3 hour flight back to BA. We tried so hard to get upgraded but nobody really cared about our plea. We checked back into a normal hotel in BA with clean blankets, no dirty kitchen ware, non-scary staff, and air conditioning (and an elevator) and of course we had to eat again!!! We found a place that makes 10 different kinds of empenadas and we ordered some and took them back to the hotel. We then went to the pool and just enjoyed the sun while we still have it. It finally hit us that we were exhausted, but had reservations to a Tango show. Matt was a little tired before the show started: 
It was really amazing- I loved the show, I think matt liked the show. Matt tried to be a comedian and kept trying to make jokes to the waitstaff that were very much lost in translation. It was pretty entertaining seeing the same look of confusion on the waitstaff’s faces J http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOvw-9qBKr4&feature=player_detailpage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ITj9PDq_0M&feature=player_detailpage
Day 12
Slept in and then went to the pool. Matt booked massages for us, and the woman was really into massaging ears. I was not molested this time, so I was thrilled. We went across the street for our final steak, wine, and café con leche. Unfortunately (fortunately??) the restaurant was out of chrizo, so matt only had steak for lunch (poor matt)
For our last outing, we went to the area where people sell leather goods (not food-related...can you believe it?!?!). They will make custom anything, and the options were gorgeous. We were both too fat at that point to buy any clothes, so we just browsed.
As I am sitting in the hotel writing this, Matt is lying on the bed watching TV, and just asked me “do you want to eat something before we leave for the airport?”
THE END
